Next time you moan about your fic....

The results of the 2006 Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest are in! This annual contest challenges writers to come up with the worst opening sentence possible for an an imaginary novel.

The contest was named after Victorian novelist Edward George Earl Bulwer-Lytton, the man who penned Paul Clifford. Never heard of it? Oh, yes, you have. Snoopy plagiarized it all the time, for it began, "It was a dark and stormy night; the rain fell in torrents--except at occasional intervals, when it was checked by a violent gust of wind which swept up the streets (for it is in London that our scene lies), rattling along the housetops, and fiercely agitating the scanty flame of the lamps that struggled against the darkness."


This year's winning entry?
"Detective Bart Lasiter was in his office studying the light from his one small window falling on his super burrito when the door swung open to reveal a woman whose body said you've had your last burrito for a while, whose face said angels did exist, and whose eyes said she could make you dig your own grave and lick the shovel clean."
Jim Guigli
Carmichael, CA

Run off to the link, if you think you can stomach it, and check out the runners-up...

Catharsis

Most people associate the term "catharsis" with Sigmund Freud, but it was actually his colleague Josef Breuer who first used it in psychological circles. His theory was that "hysterical" symptoms were caused by pent up psychic pain, and he "released" that pain through reliving memories under hypnosis. Catharsis theory has widely come mean that the human psyche is like a steam kettle, anger and other emotions build up and can be relieved by "venting"; shouting, punching a bag, or physical activities like sports.

Psychologists have studied this phenomenon and come to the same conclusion that applied common sense does: venting one's anger is not calming.

One need only look at the sports arena for confirmation. Having tried to ice skate on a few occasions, I will concede that hockey players are great athletes. Yet are they non-violent, non-aggressive? Does anything in their public behavior suggest they are managing their anger any better than you or I? I'm not suggesting they need psychotherapy, just that, if catharsis worked, there would be no need for officials. Everything would be settled with a handshake and a nod.

So it was for the Vidane. I fail to understand the international gasp of surprise at a football player's violent act upon the field. True, it was idiotic, but it was not unprecedented. Violence begets violence.

So it is with Israel. MIred in violence in the Gaza, their first reaction to the abduction of soldiers was, by most accounts, a disproportionate bombing of Southern Lebanon. It was as though the Prime Minister has a button on his desk to alert the Israeli Air Force right at knee level just for such knee-jerk reactions. One must ask, in reacting this way, was Olmert inadvertently playing to Hezbollah's agenda and opening a second front, taking the pressure off the Gaza?

After ten years of peace, the people of Lebanon had only begun to rebuild their shattered lives. They are caught, once again between two warring powers with insatiable appetites for violence.

War is not cathartic.